Spiritual Toolbox: Accepting what we cannot change.

It is frustrating when people don’t behave the way we know is reasonable and appropriate.  Why exactly are we frustrated and how can we work with it?

“Each time you feel an unpleasant emotion, anger, anxiety, resentment or whatever it may be . . . and your days are often full of it . . . stop rationalizing it away by thinking of the wrongs of others involved.Instead, ask yourself what you really want, because there is something you want the moment there is [negative] emotion in you.Otherwise you would not feel that way . . .I certainly do not say that all emotions are wrong, but unpleasant emotions must have somewhere a faulty premise no matter how wrong others may be.This faulty premise is . . . often an active pressure where acceptance should reign.So find out this pressure, this desire, and examine it from this point of view.It does take training and habit forming to observe yourself from this point of view so that you think about it in this way. But how beneficial this is for you!Once you begin and do not let up . . .it becomes second nature with you.It is part of the daily cleansing of the soul.”

“Man is inclined to revolt within when things do not go according to his will, when other people are wrong . . .”

“Whenever resentment, fear, hatred, and so on, are in your heart, there is a negative desire, and therefore [you use] an active force . . . instead of a passive one.Since a wrong desire cannot really be fulfilled – if it appears to be fulfilled, it is very temporary and illusory – you become frustrated.Speaking practically, what must your attitude be like in those instances when you are supposed to be passive?”

“. . . the proper attitude would be in those instances to accept what you cannot change: the actions and attitudes of other people and circumstances outside your control . . . You cannot change this world or other people, my friends.In your intellect, you may know that very well indeed, but do your emotions always know it?Certainly not!”

“It means also to accept the imperfection of this earth sphere in humility, knowing that since you are not perfect, you cannot, must not resent other’s imperfections even though they may be different than your own.It even means to accept your own imperfections which does not mean that you should want to remain that way.It means you have to accept them for now, accept that they actually do exist.As of now, you possess many imperfections that you have not yet accepted . . .[You] revolt against this state of affairs, and by revolting, you set an active force in motion where a passive one should exist.”

“. . .as long as you revolt against things that cannot be changed – or could only be changed by a different inner activity – there is a pressure and an inner pushing against a stonewall.As long as you do not relinquish or relax this pushing force in the wrong direction, you cannot make order in your soul . . . ”

“Learn to recognize where your desires surge into wrong directions.If the pressure is taken off these wrong desires, you will have that much more strength left for the good and proper desires where active force is badly needed but where you are presently too weak . . . When you accept that which you cannot change now by direct action immediately, and stop pressing with your will, you will have new strength and life force that you have not known before.”

“ . . think about the past few hours, and think what your feelings actually were during these past few hours or at any particular experience.And then ask yourself concerning your respective emotions: “What is my desire?”And when you find the answer, you will already have a clue.The answer will often be that another person has done something that is wrong or that seems wrong to you.There you can actually observe, close at hand, that where you should be passive, you are active because you actively desire a change that you cannot control.And by these constant overactive desires in the wrong place, you completely forget those instances where you have the power to change if you only look at it.For there is so much power given to you!To each one of you!Yet, you do not realize it.Why? – because you constantly waste your powers in the wrong channels.You use them up unproductively.”

“God’s will must evolve clearly and without a doubt when you discover your real desires and put them down black on white and say to yourself, “This is what I actually want when I am honest with myself.”And you may often be surprised how this wanting deviates from your conscious desires.You should not believe because another part in you conflicts with your conscious desires that you are entirely despicable.No, you should know that you consist of many layers: the higher self and the lower self broadly speaking.Accept that both are in you, and all will be well.Then you will not lose proportions in your estimate of yourself, neither in one exaggerated direction nor in the other.”

Download: Lecture 29: The Forces of Activity and Passivity – Finding God’s Will 

Practice:  Call to mind a time when you reacted negatively to a person or a situation.  Clearly and concisely, ask yourself these questions, writing down your answers with as much self-honesty as possible:

• What is it I want in this situation?
• Why do I want it?  What is my real motive behind it?